Girls' Weekend!

If you haven't done it.... I highly reccomend a girls' getaway weekend! This is the second year the moms in our playgroup have made it happen. Last year we went in December to San Francisco for two days of checking out decorations, shopping, eating, relaxing and girl talk. Oh, and we squeezed in some 'spirits' and a night of dancing.

This year we tried something different - an Autumn wine tasting weekend. One of our ultra-organized gals had the idea to jaunt off to a sleepy town about an hour northeast. Livermore has a growing quaint-ish downtown and at least half a dozen wineries, but not much else. We nabbed a two bedroom suite for the six of us at a dirt cheap price, making it hard to say no. With dads and kids set up with food and plans, we made our getaway at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. By noon we were picnicing and tasting at our first winery. Oh, it was heaven - the best medicine for stress. Although, I had been trying to not succumb, I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything going on in the world. Even though, we are not yet directly affected by the financial crisis, I find the 'worry' about it contagious. That, along with a host of other concerns that made me feel a bit overwhelmed, had been wearing on me. Yet, as we talked and clinked glasses, I had such a feeling of empowerment. I felt ready to go back and tackle everything! Meanwhile, I tried to take in all the fun of the moment. We hit three really different, eclectic and lively wineries, sat in the hot tub, chatted tons, had a very nice dinner, and capped off the evening with a viewing of Sex in the C*ity in our apartment-type hotel room. Today we breakfasted, shopped, and lunched before heading home.

We are already in discussions for the next getway. I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to escape again, but it will happen eventually!

Yay for me!

Me: "I did 20 parent conferences this week and gave all the parents really good information about where their child is at school!"

Miss P: "I can draw a little girl with long eyelashes!"

Me: "Yesterday I did all of your laundry!"

Miss P: "I shared, even with children who were not using their words."

Me: "I wrote this week about ways to feel happier, which I hope will help people."

Miss P: "I tried some new foods!"

Me: "I have done a lot to get to get our schedules and money organized."

Miss P: "Sometimes I fall down really hard, but then I get up."

Me: "Yay, for me!"

Miss P: "Yay, for me!"

You? What's your yay for me? Comment!!

Today, we are talking about...

Positive Visualization! It can be fun to picture what you would like life to be like. Whether you imagine yourself speaking confidently, looking your best, or staying calm under duress, positive visualization is a surefire tool. Here are two tricks:

1) Best Self Journal: Get yourself a pretty journal, a pen, something delicious to drink and steal about a half an hour. Now, imagine your life one year from now. Pretend everything you have hoped and worked for has happened. Describe in detail what life is like. Try repeating the same exercise but making it five years from now. How about 10 years from now? The objective is to first help you figure out some commonalities; what is it you really want in life? Second, it can help you to build optimism. What I found worked is to really shoot for the stars, yet still keep somewhat within reason (i.e., I didn't win the lottery or move into my dream house. I did feel healthier and had better self esteem). Through this exercise, you can really start to see that a lot of what you want is reachable. The idea is to repeat it regularly, and slowly you'll find your life evolving to meet the ideals you are writing about.

I actually did this excercise with a group of friends and it was really fun!

2) Board of Directors: When you are feeling a bit low, or not very confident, you might try this strategy. Think of a couple of people you really admire. People you trust, respect and feel comfortable with. It can be your mom, grandma, or a celebrity. (Mine are Oprah and a friend who is really supportive and amazing). Next, picture a favorite place (mine always involves a couch and steaming mugs of something, but the details - wraparound porch, beach, in front of the fireplace - vary.) When you need a little lift or some guidance, imagine yourself in that comfy place with your very own 'board of directors.' Imagine what you'd say, and then the helpful, uplifting way they might respond. (Of course, talking to real friends is ideal, this is just another option to try.)

Tomorrow, I will post about savoring life's joys, with a focus on my favorite things!

A shout out for gratitude

Counting your blessings, and not just at Thanksgiving, is a definite mood lifter. Studies show that it may be almost impossible to feel negative emotions while you are focused on being grateful.

Here are a couple of quick ideas:

1) Think of someone you really appreciate. Maybe it's a parent or in-law who is readily available to help with your children. Or a friend who is a good listener. Someone who inspired or taught you something. Take a few minutes and write that person a letter detailing what he or she did for you and how it has affected you. You will find pleasure both in your own description, and in the pleasure you know the other person will feel when reading it. (You might also consider reading it out loud.)

2) Play the gratitude game with your child. Very simple, passes the time while driving, waiting in line, etc., And once again, models an important practice. Simply take turns sharing back and forth things you are thankful for. (With really young children you might be doing most of the sharing. Eventually they will get the idea!) Consider child-friendly ideas, such as 'I'm thankful for tonight's yummy dinner,' or even, 'I'm thankful for pizza!' Another plus of the gratitude game is that it is just a great conversation starter. And, a way for you to learn more about your child and how he or she thinks.

These are just two ideas. Anyone have another? Share!

Well Being Week continues....

Did you know that you can easily feel happier almost every day? Research shows that a large part of how happy you feel on a daily basis is due to your habits and behavior. When we think or behave in a negative way over and over, we are wiring our brains for unhappiness. (Similar to the cravings we develop for chocolate or junk food if we eat it on a regularly). The good news is that scientists have now learned that through changed habits and conciously altering your thinking patterns, you can increase how happy you feel (even though on paper your life is the same as always). You can read more about this in books such as The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky and Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff.

Happiness Tip #2: Yesterday, we talked about setting our intentions. Here is a way to help that positive intention grow. Let's say your intention is to feel more joyful. Throughout the day, make a game of noticing things that bring you joy, whether it is that first sip of coffee, falling yellow leaves, the color of the sky, children's laughter, a great book, or a hello from a friend. See if you can count 10 joyful moments in an hour. Like setting intentions, this could be a game to enjoy with your children. What a wonderful practice to share with them! The fantastic thing is, this intention flicks on the reticular activating system (RAS) in your brain, which is responsible for turning on your memory system. Meaning the more you do it, the more automatic and effortless it will be to find the joy.

Let me know if you try it!

Feel the Joy, Day 1

Welcome to Happiness Week! It's no accident that this blog is named Life is what you make it. I really believe this, although sometimes I need reminders! This week I will share my various strategies for keeping a positive attitude. Why am I so passionate about this? I've always felt strongly about my outlook, but having Miss P around really solidifies this. I think, arguably, the most important thing I can teach her is how to find her own happiness (not wait for it to come find her) and how to be resilient, especially when the chips are down. Similiarly, life can't be much fun if mom is gloomy, so I work to stay 'funk-free' (most of the time.) These ideas come from books, articles, conversations, and my own (ahem) wisdom. They are not new, but perhaps something will resonate with you this time. If so, let me know!

Today's Happiness Hint: Try starting the day by setting your 'intention.' This is a great practice to share with your children. Happiness is (most of the time) a choice. Decide how you will feel that day. Will you focus on being content, finding humor, or feeling joyful? Choose how you'd like to feel and conciously make a decision to evoke that feeling throughout the day. If you find yourself straying away, or losing the feeling, remind yourself of your intention. Use music, jokes, excercise or just close your eyes and visualize something to bring the feeling back. I personally will do silly yoga poses with my daughter, make funny faces, and sing loudly. Laughter is really the best medicine. If you are home with your kids, check in with each other about your intentions. They are almost never too young to start. Even if they can't make their own yet, they will learn a lot from hearing you talk about yours.

Tricks up my sleeve...

Decided to take a page from Jen on the edge awhile back and start a tradition of Thursday nacho night. (As we arrive home late from swim lessons and need something fast and yummy.)
(This is said to give the impression that on other nights I make something more time consuming. I do not.) Anyway, they were delish! Miss P does not care for most foods outside her general rotation however. How did we get her to the table? Offer bribes? No. Threaten punishments? No. Demand? No. Here's what I did:

Me (sitting at the table across from E, while Miss P plays in her room, 'not hungry'): "Hey daddy let's play a game!"
E: "Yeah, sounds fun. What?"
Me (loud voice): "Diamond Castle girls! I'll be Liana, with the dark hair, you be Alexa with the light hair!"
Miss P (horrified voice, from the other room): "Liana has the LIGHT HAIR mommy! Alexa has the DARK HAIR!"
Me (to E): "Look, here are some heart shaped stones, Alexa. We could make special necklaces."
Me (Stage whisper to E): "Best friends, today, tomorrow, and forever."
E (repeats in loud voice): "Best friends today, tomorrow, and forever."
Miss P (shrieking): Best friends today, tomorrow, and ALWAYS daddy!
Miss P runs to join the table and continues to further explain and act out the intricacies of Diamond Castle (finally eating the nachos)
Her verdict on the dinner: "I love it."
And that's why I get paid the big kisses and hugs.